World Cup Qualifier vs Italy plus a week in Tuscany

The tour to end all tours – and it nearly ended Il Duce’s days of freedom. The regular touring party was expanded substantially – 10 of us in Milan for the game, and another 6 meeting up with us in Tuscany for a civilised week of food, drink, log fires and broken chairs.

The tour was capped off with a night out in the village up the hill from our villa, in the company of an orange leather woman and her cravate-wearing prick of a companion. Cue for a Jehovah dance and a slice of cake.

A new hose regime was established for occasions when there are two major teams in the host city – one team’s hose on the right foot, and the other teams’ hose on the left foot. And to think a non hose afficionado came up with the brainwave…

Tour drinks: extortionately-priced fizzy pish in Milan, stupidly-cheap carry outs in Tuscany.